Prayers Continue to Be Answered

I had an epiphany today. First a friend posted a comment saying, " awe, Im praying for ya. I know it must be hard for you.". Then another friend commented that I was addicted to facebook. I've been having a bit of a 'pity party' lately, but, instead of making me feel worse, these comments snapped me out of it! I realized that, naw, I'm not addicted to facebook, and by God's Grace I'm not to be pitied! My circumstances keep me somewhat isolated, yet, as a 'people person', the world wide web (ie. facebook) has allowed me to develop & maintain relationships with many amazing people and continue to grow and learn as a person and a child of God. As in the prayer of Jabez, God has expanded my boundaries!"Jabez called out to the God of Israel, “If only you would greatly bless me and expand my territory! May your hand be with me! Keep me from harm so I might not endure pain!” God answered his prayer." I Chronicles 4:10 NET Bible ♥

God's All Sufficient Power

I received an email this week about a young woman having problems with her food stamp card to pay for her groceries. When a man in the line behind her made a rude comment about the food stamps she fled in tears. When the man was told that at 21 she was raising her soldier brother's kids when he was killed he made a generous purchase of food to be delivered to the young woman's home. It brought back a memory of a season in my own life.

I was a single mother of 3 teaching school when Multiple Sclerosis forced me to go on Social Security Disability. It was really hard for me to feed my three kids even when I relented and got food stamps. One day I got a phone call from the grocery store around the corner. They said they had never had this happen before, but, something special had occurred. A person had come in and bought a bunch of groceries and asked if they could deliver it to me and my kids anonymously! I was stunned. This nice girl from the store delivered bags of groceries with all kinds of food to our house a few minutes later! I had mixed feelings but was mostly grateful to God for His provision. I had several ideas about who would be aware enough of our situation, but, to this day I don't know who our thoughtful, generous angel was.

I had been grieving over the loss of my teaching job and had been praying and questioning God.

I prayed, "Lord, you called me to be a teacher.

I don't understand how I can fulfill Your call now???"

Shortly after that I turned the daily devotional spiral on my desk and saw... "for God’s gifts and his call are irrevocable." Romans 11:29. I really felt emotional and felt it was a confirmation of my prayer and prayed again but what happened next was amazing! The next day I got an email from a recruiter for eSylvan (now called Educate Online) to tutor reading and math online from home! This was a blessing in so many ways! Not only did it supplement my disability income but I could use my teaching skills to make expenses more manageable. The silver lining was that after the struggles of dawn to dusk demands in the classroom now I could be home for my kids during those challenging middle and high school years.

I taught online for that company for 5 years as a tutor, team leader, teacher monitor & prescription monitor, making it possible for me to supplement my disability check as my kids finished school. While my oldest son was in college he went to work for them too as an online computer technician.

I taught online for 2 more years with a different company as a History, English & Social Studies teacher. John

progressed with Educate Online and eventually he moved home and took over our house when I was unable to work anymore. He's now the online senior technical specialist.

The Lord demonstrated His Faithfulness So Powerfully. Since I became a single mom I have learned so much about this. One of my favorite books is 'To Know Him By Name' by Kay Arthur on the names of God. The chapter on El Shaddai really touched me all the way through especially with its definition of All Sufficient One and I have called upon the name El Shaddai in some form or another to guide me ever since. The Lord has surely been all sufficient in my life throughout all my challenges. 2 Corinthians 12:9 has become more meaningful as my life has changed in the passage of time. "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

Christmas Preparations 2010

I have the Best Daughter in the World! Ann Marie turned my house into a Christmas Wonderland last night! She worked till 2:am (after working all day!)! She spent hours wrapping gifts...hanging the wreathe she made last year...placing our nativity scenes, santas and snowmen throughout the house...placing our beautiful red 'n green plaid tablecloths on the tables...decorating our mini tree in the dining room and putting the start of the gifts on the buffet table around it. Then she spent all the time putting our 12 foot tree together so it looked just right! John & Sakeena helped put the lights on & decorated the tree with colorful, shiny bulbs and 28 yrs of sentimental ornaments from their Mimi's personalized ornament gifts throughout their childhoods, handmade ornaments from schooldays & ornament gifts throughout the years. What a beautiful result! Before I went to sleep I spent some time just enjoying that special Christmas light glow in the dark. This has added so much to my enjoyment of the Advent of Celebrating the Gift of Jesus. What a Sweet Blessing!

Lifechanging Fall 1985 ~ Broken, Restored, Loved ~

Chapter 1

In the fall of 1985, my mother was suffering with terminal breast cancer. Since her diagnosis in October, 1983, in spite of the removal of the tiny lump in her breast, it had spread to her lungs, liver and bones. However, chemotherapy had successfully arrested it and she had been doing great! In May, 1984 my parents and aunt and uncle took a wonderful vacation to Hawaii. At Christmas that year her hair had grown back and they had a special Christmas party.

Unfortunately, by the end of January, 1985 it had spread to her brain, but radiation arrested this. Sadly, her symptoms persisted and it was discovered it had spread to the meninges of her brain and this was the one area that didn’t respond to treatment. During the last 4 months of her life she had been increasingly confused and agitated and her eyes looked so tortured which was especially hard as when I looked in the mirror I would ‘see’ her eyes. I had begun praying and speaking Philippians 4:7 to her that “the peace of God, which transcends allunderstanding,” would guard her heart and mind in Christ Jesus.

I was blessed that the last time I was with her, I could see she ‘was’ at peace because her eyes, ‘the windows of your soul’, were crystal clear and peaceful. She was sitting looking out the window of her hospital room and Viney, the special nurse’s aide who cared for her for the last 6 months of her life, was feeding her ice cream. I took over doing that and told her that her eyes looked so beautiful. Viney said she thought my eyes looked like hers and my mom agreed. That was an incredible comfort. The next day she went to sleep and for the next 3 days she remained in that state.

On Saturday morning my dad called to tell me he had decided to take a break and ride down to Stockdale to see my Grandparents. My husband left to do some programming for a friend’s office and I got a burst of energy to clean my house. Viney, Mom’s nurse’s aide, called and told me she was trying to reach my Dad. Although she didn’t work on Saturdays, she felt compelled to check on my Mom and from experience she knew her breathing indicated she did not have long to live and she knew my Dad would want to be there. I called my Grandparents and found out that my Dad had a sense he needed to get back to the hospital and had headed back to town. A few minutes later he called to tell me that my Mom had passed away. My Dad told us he had stopped to help a family putting their elderly mother in the car to take her home. By the time he got upstairs and walked into her room, she was looking up as if she was seeing a bright light and then she passed away.

Our precious son, John, was 3 years old and I was 27 weeks pregnant at the time. Friends and family gathered at my parent’s house and everyone kept saying how big I was and speculating that maybe I was going to have twins. Even a family friend who had given birth to twins told me people were always telling her they wondered if they were having twins, but she said they really didn’t know how big you are with twins, but, she said I ‘was’ big for only 6 ½ months! We decided to have the funeral on Monday, Veteran’s Day.

I was scheduled for a regular ob visit that morning and I decided to keep the appointment since the funeral was not until later that afternoon so I could touch base with the doctor. When the doctor examined me he told me that I had grown 10 centimeters! He told me that he didn’t think I was having twins but that the baby had probably just had a growth spurt but we needed to do a sonogram to see what was going on. At that time sonograms were not routine and I had never had one before. He told me that we didn’t need to do it this week as he knew I had a lot going on but we were anxious to know so an appointment was set up for 3 days later.

We had a lovely service for my Mom at St. Matthew’s United Methodist Church that afternoon with Reverend John Platte.It was a blessing to have someone speaking who knew Mom. He had christened my son, John and performed my brother’s wedding ceremony. He had visited our homes and had warmly welcomed her & Daddy in church when she asked him to bring her when was able to come. He had also visited her so faithfully after she was hospitalized. We went through the rest of the week thinking that perhaps the Lord was going to ease our sorrow by blessing us with twins.

Chapter 2

Three Days later, we had the sonogram in Dr. Paine’s office on Thursday morning and the first thing we learned was that we were not having twins. However, the doctor told us that the baby had a growth on its tailbone and he wanted me to have a high-resolution sonogram with a specialist at the hospital to get more information. He said he was concerned about the baby’s ability to move its legs but emphasized this was not cancer.

An hour later we went to the hospital next door for this sonogram. It was uncomfortable because it was a lengthy process and the specialist pressed down firmly all over my abdomen in order to get the best views of the whole baby. The Specialist told us the baby was a girl and told us her brain and heart looked perfect and the organs in her abdomen appeared to be functioning well in utero. She didn’t give us much more information and told us Dr. Paine would be calling me after he received the report on the sonogram. As we were leaving the lab I made the comment, “She didn’t say anything about the baby’s lungs.”

My dear Dad was already back at work and anxiously waiting to hear from us so we drove over to his office to tell him what we had learned. We were dreading to tell him something was wrong, just days after we had buried my mother. In the office with all the other salesmen, we just told them it wasn’t twins but a baby girl which he was thrilled to hear since we already had a little son. Then we took him to lunch and told him what the doctor had told us. We tried to stay positive especially after all the family had been through and stressed it was not cancer. We told him we would hear more from the doctor later that evening. I was feeling sick from all the pressure on my uterus during the sonogram and came home to rest and wait to hear from the doctor. My emotions and body were exhausted.

The doctor called me that evening and told me they were familiar with this type of large benign tumor that was almost as large as the baby. He said this was similar to a ‘siamese twin' as the tumor (a teratoma) had every type of tissue as a baby. He said it was attached at the tailbone and he had every reason to be optimistic that it could be safely removed after the baby was born. He said I also had excessive amniotic fluid and this combined with the tumor made me full term 'size' at 27 weeks and as a result I would have to be watched very closely for premature labor and I would have to have a c-section delivery. All our other family and friends were anxiously waiting to hear if we were having twins. We didn’t want to talk about everything at this point as I still had 13 weeks to go, so we decided to just tell everyone that it was a baby girl. I knew I could not hold it together calling all these people and my husband kindly made all the calls so I could rest. It was a hard day for both of us.

Two days later I got in the shower to get ready to go pick up the sympathy notes so I could begin thanking people for all the flowers, food and remembrances. However when I was showering, the mucous plug came out! I panicked because when John was born my water broke 45 minutes after this happened! I rushed to tell Carl and call the doctor. It was a Saturday and Dr. Paine was not on call but the ‘high-risk’ doctor in the practice was and he told me to come to the hospital immediately. The phone rang and it was my Dad and I didn’t want to worry him at this point so I told him we were ‘taking it easy’! We called my brother, John, and his wife, Tami, and asked them if they could meet us at the hospital so they could take care of 3 year old, John.

When I arrived at the hospital, I was placed in labor & delivery and the doctor put me on terbutaline to stop my labor. I had not started dilating but I continued to have contractions. Late that night I started having severe chest pains. Sunday this continued and it was determined I had gone into pneumonia. We decided to call my Dad and tell him what was happening. He came to the hospital and said the most memorable thing.

He said, “It’s as if your Mom is our guardian angel and when she got up to heaven she could see what was happening and she went straight to ‘the Head Man’ and said, “We’ve got to do something and we’ve got to do something now!!!”

On Monday morning when Dr. Paine was back on duty he told me my system couldn't handle the drug and they would have to take me off of it and check me at the end of the day. He said he was not ‘writing this baby off’, but sometimes ‘nature knows best’. A neo-natal nurse came in and told me that a 27-week baby had a 90% chance for survival so not to give up hope. At the end of the day I was dilated to 3 cm so they had to schedule an emergency c-section.

I told them I wanted to be awake and they said an epidural was better anyway because of the pneumonis. Dr. Paine did the c-section. A Neonatalogist was present. I could hear the neo-natal doctor saying he couldn't get the tube down. They told me they were taking the baby for an x-ray. The x-ray showed that the baby had no lungs. Her esophagus came down and ended which is why the doctor couldn’t get the tube down to ventilate her. There was nothing they could do for her.

They asked us if we wanted to baptize her and in faith and a desire to validate her presence on the earth we said yes. We had always planned to name a girl, Ann Marie, so Carl asked me if I wanted to name her ‘Ann Marie.’ I said, “No, there was no way I could lose Mary Ann (my mother) and Ann Marie in the same time! My mother told me once that she had wanted to name me Catherine, so let’s name her Catherine.”

She ‘lived’ or at least her tiny heart kept beating for 2 hours due to the oxygenation of her blood from my placenta. They tried to take me to see her but the gurney wouldn’t fit through the door to the neo-natal nursery. I looked across the room at her but the sweet nurses dressed her in a little gown and took a Polaroid picture of her for me to cherish along with her birth certificate.

I cried over not being able to hold her and my sweet neighbor & friend, Paula, a neo-natal nurse who actually worked in that nursery with the nurses who cared for Catherine, told me the most precious thing. She told me that ‘I held Catherine in my womb closer than anyone could and she was perfectly healthy and safe while she was there.’ My Mother always wanted a granddaughter, and Catherine is in heaven with her.

That took place 25 years ago today on November 18, 1985.

The next day I slept all day and I have no memory of that day but, Carl said when he visited my room he ‘heard’ ‘my half’ of a conversation with my mother! I believe the Lord allowed her to come and comfort me somewhere between time and eternity. I was very sick and I often wonder if I experienced a small taste of heaven during that time as I healed.

Since I was recovering from surgery, pneumonia and the complications of the pregnancy we decided to have a memorial service for Baby Catherine in the Methodist Hospital chapel and Carl, his parents and my Dad had a small graveside service with a tiny white coffin at Mission South Cemetery where my mother and both of my uncles were buried. We placed an engraved Bronze heart as the grave marker in Babyland right next to the San Antonio River on the southside.

Ironically, this was just downstream from where I had lived as a child. Our property near San Jose Mission on Symphony Lane backed up to the river (really more of a creek than a river at that point) and we fished in it and rode horses on it when I was in 1^st – 3^rd grades. It was a happy time for me then and it has always given me great peace that she’s buried there next to that peaceful stream of my childhood not far from my mother’s grave.

'Footprints Experience'

I remember how unexplainedly joyful I felt inthe first few weeks after I got home from the hospital. I knew it was the Lord, but, I remember reading the poem 'Footprints' with new eyes and realizing immediately that was why I felt joyful! Jesus was carrying me 'through' this. It's not that you don't grieve your loss intensely at times, but the Father is so faithful and in the hardest times I learned more about His Grace than any other time.

After I got home I read endlessly about prenatal development and I discovered that a baby’s lungs develop at 11 weeks. I read that if something interrupts the development at a certain point that it doesn’t go back and make up for it. I remembered having the flu and a fever at that point in the pregnancy and was convinced that is what must have happened. When I went to the doctor for a follow-up I told him about this and he explained something to me. He told me that the lungs need ‘space’ and ‘nutrition’ to develop and the tumor interfered in both ways. I remembered my comment that they had not said anything about the baby's lungs after the sonogram. Was that something in my intuition that sensed there was something wrong with her lungs? I asked the doctor why they didn't know from the sonogram. He told me that in utero the lungs are fluid filled so they are not visible.

I asked the doctor if my severe chest pains were caused by the pneumonia and he told me I was suffering from severe cardiac insufficiency caused by the stress of the pregnancy and with the medication my body was working overtime trying to stop the labor that really needed to proceed. Clearly my life was threatened by what was taking place. Then he shared something with me that showed me just how much the Lord was protecting me and guiding the circumstances.

He told me that every obstetrician fears delivering ‘half’ a baby. He said, if we had not learned of the tumor and the necessity of the c-section, I would have gone into labor as I did and unable to stop the labor the baby would have gotten stuck in the birth canal. Unable to see what was wrong, they would have watched the baby die in the birth canal. The doctor would have been forced to cut the cervix in order to save my life ‘if’ he had even been able to save me! It made me realize that it was the Lord that prompted me to keep my appointment the morning of the funeral. It would have been all too easy to decide to re-schedule my appointment in the middle of the overwhelming grief of losing my Mom! Whatsmore, it was God’s perfect plan that I proceed with the sonogram only 2 days before I went into labor. The doctor had even suggested we could wait to do the sonogram till the next week.. In God’s economy, it was necessary for it to happen exactly as it did. He made sure the doctors knew exactly what they needed to know exactly when they needed to know!

As time has passed I see God’s protection and plan even more clearly. If it hadn’t happened just that way, as sad as it was, I never would have been able to have more children if I had even survived at all! But 13 months later I gave birth to Christopher Damon and 4 years later I gave birth to Ann Marie.

Dr. Paine changed his practice too. He began routinely scheduling a sonogram for all his patients at 12 weeks of pregnancy. Not only did he save my life, but, he safely delivered both Chris and Ann Marie!

I learned I can trust God even in the middle of tragedy and heartache because He can see further down the road and He truly does have our well-being and blessing in mind!

25 Years Missing My Mother

Twenty-five years ago today my sweet mother, Mary Ann Hamilton, went to heaven at the age of 49 after a 2 year battle with breast cancer. I thank God for giving me such a wonderful mother. She was the epitome of the Proverbs 31 woman.

Mama, God saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be. So he put his arms around you and whispered "Come with me." With tearful eyes I watched you, and saw you pass away. Although I loved you dearly I could not make you stay. A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest. God broke my heart to prove to me, He only takes the best.

The Lord just brought to mind an encouraging memory:

I remember a cousin asked me if I was mad at God for not answering my prayers and healing her...I said, "He Did Heal Her! She's Not Sick Anymore!" Thank you for that assurance, Jesus and the knowledge we will be together again!

My First Day As A Teacher

On October 4, 1977 I began my very first teaching job at Stephen F. Austin Elementary School as a 2nd grade teacher. After graduating from UTSA in August, I began the nerve-racking process of interviewing for jobs. Called by God to be a teacher at the age of 6, I was so eager to begin teaching that I finished my degree in 3 years. I got several interviews for positions to no avail. However, as the school year started, back when it started after Labor Day, and the weeks passed I was becoming very discouraged. I had wanted to teach in one of the suburban school districts where I had student taught near my house. However, on Friday, September 30th, I got a call from a friend who worked in the UTSA Education department placement office asking if I would be interested in teaching in the inner city San Antonio Independent School District. By then, I wanted to teach so much I jumped at the chance and drove downtown to the district office to interview. I was asked if I would be willing to get my bilingual endorsement through a district program which I readily agreed to do. An appointment was set up with the principal for Monday morning. After I interviewed I was offered the job. He explained that an overflow of 1st & 2nd grade students made it necessary to form a new 2nd grade class and the current 2nd grade teacher would form a class of half 1st and half 2nd grade students. Then he asked me when I could start. With the complete naivete of a 1st year teacher who was eager to get started, I said that the best way I could see would be to start the next day!

Stephen F. Austin Elementary was in a 100 year old building with no air-conditioning and radiator heat. The classrooms were huge with 20 foot ceilings. Half of the campus housed 2 kindergartens, 2 1st grades, 1 1st-2nd grade split, 1 2nd grade, 1 3rd grade, 1 4th grade & 1 5th grade. Half of the campus housed 14-18 year old mentally-retarded students who were bussed in from around the district. All 200 students shared 1 bathroom, 1 cafeteria and 1 playground. The surrounding neighborhood was made up of what were once beautiful victorian-style houses but were now run-down multiple family dwellings. The school was the heart of this low-income Hispanic community.

On my first day I was shown room 4. Inside the bright yellow classroom with original slate chalkboards there was 1 teacher’s chair, 1 student-height rectangular table, and 2 student desks. There was a large shelved walk-in closet for supplies but there was not one single piece of paper, pencil, or book. I had brought a notepad and pen. I moved the table and teacher’s chair to the front of the classroom. I was told that the students would be moved down from the other classroom later in the morning with their desks, books and supplies. I think I was in shock sitting in that room, but, before I could think too much, they brought me a new student! Sweet Sophie, my very first student, was a blessing as she kept me focused so I couldn’t get nervous as I was so busy making sure she felt comfortable. Looking back on that I’ve wondered what on earth must have been going through her mind when they brought her into that room that day, but, one thing for sure. I’ve never forgotten my very first student! A few minutes later 20 students with their desks full of books and papers were moved in and their teacher had duplicated worksheets for the day. That first day was a blur for me. I do know I made it through those first few days developing what eventually earned me the title of Queen of Improvisation! My sister-in-law, Cecie, had taught for three amazing years and stopped teaching and graciously offered me all her teaching materials. So after those first few days of managing with next to nothing, we went to Houston and got them and on Monday morning of the next week I had something to put in that walk-n closet. During my 3 years at that school I obtained such a variety of pieces of furniture and painted them in bright primary colors and many other materials. From that experience of nothing in that classroom on that first day , on the last day I was there I filled that closet for the summer. Teachers would come and ask if they could have things and I told them I wasn’t going to leave it vacant for the next teacher who came into the room! The adventure had just begun!



Encouraging Aunt Dorothy

From the time I was a little girl my Aunt Dorothy has been sending me inspiring words in letters, cards and books that inspired me into an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. She sent my brother and I a Children's Bible that fed my love of God's Word at a young age. She sparked my lifelong love of beautiful words, inspirational quotes and poetry with small beautiful books that I always kept in my bedside table with my Bible. It started a lifetime habit of a quiet time of meditation in my bed. It has given me a sweet sense of worship, encouragement and security that has carried me through the challenges of life and kept me centered and focused on God before I had even begun to understand the magnitude of His Love, Grace and Guidance in my life. For that I will always be eternally grateful.

She has continued in this in so many ways through my life. My Mother, her dear sister-in-law, loved her so much too and after she passed away in 1985, Aunt Dorothy has done so many thoughtful things to fill her absence in my life. Most recently, in 2008, when a bad drug interaction in managing my MS symptoms put me in the hospital and subsequent physical therapy rehabilitation for a month, Aunt Dorothy and my sweet cousin, Mandy, brought me everything a 'girl' could need including a lovely throw for my hospital bed that made my stay so much more comfortable and peaceful and sweet phone calls too just like my own Mother would have done! My in-town kids, John & Ann Marie, took amazing care of me and yet Dorothy and Mandy did everything they could to help 'them' too, even coming to San Antonio from New Braunfels to clean and decorate my house for my home-coming. They even arranged candles and hung a beautiful print over my couch with an "All is Well with My Soul" message and lovely throw over my couch. As long as they were able, they came periodically to visit and shower me with goodies and gifts even for my birthday.

Now it's my Aunt Dorothy that needs encouragement as she battles excruciating back pain and recent back surgery. It agonizes me to hear of her pain and not be able to drive or visit her myself, so, I'm using the postal service to carry my thoughts and prayers to her. I'm searching for things to send to her to encourage and soothe her and remind her of our Lord's love and faithfulness. May God guide me in this and may my prayers carry relief, healing and restoration in Christ to her bedside! Please join me in praying for her and her family too as they care for her!

~And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28 (NLT)

Update: In December we learned that Dorothy had actually been suffering from bone cancer (multiple myeloma). She passed away January 12, 2011. She now walks with Jesus in heaven free from the pain, suffering and sadness of this fallen world. Thank you Lord for giving her to us for a season. Her children and granddaughter are a perfect reflection of her legacy of kindness, thoughtfulness and her abiding love for Christ. To God be the Glory.